(unsaid: Sir, if it was in the wrong spot, we wouldn't know that, or we wouldn't have put it there now, would we?). I would consider reinviting anyone who actually apologizes to him, without your prompts. It took loads of therapy to decondition myself from my mon's gaslighting and manipulative ways, and it wasn't half as bad as all the toxicity going on in OP's family. If they can't see this then they're sick in the head! Something like Am I being gaslit? Because thats all this post was. You're lucky Tim is tje guy he is. Oh wait. Who cares about their opinions of your husband to be? Right. Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. Your family for obvious reasons, and you for letting this go on for that long and being spineless enough to not put boundaries earlier. (I was diagnosed at the urgent care with a failing galbladder. Ugh. NTA. NTA. You're TA for continuing to subject your furnace to them. Again, keep in mind him and I have never once hung out one on one just strictly in social settings. Theyve already risked his life once and now their frustration is added for being called out. One of the few perks of being an adult, is choosing who stays in your life, and comes to your dinner table. NTA. So according to your family, I (a woman) am a man cause I can fix tires, cause obviously that's a manly man thing and not just a question of interests and acquired skills? This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Eeesh. Put it back on them. that's downright cruel! Cant you do the same for him? I mean I am in the process of suing a doctor for exactly this. Just stuck a needle in my back and tapped me like a maple tree. They are criminals acts and dangerous abuse. YTA- for making your husband put up with their antics for so long. Keep giving your family a wedgie. Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. Demands were never gonna do shit, actions were. Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be They'll fit right in regardless. If its not too late/theres texted proof, it seems like a good time to call the police and also to file a small claims suit. Seriously what would have happened if he needed his inhaler desperately and he couldn't get at it? Nta. NTA, the only typical thing about this is typical mail toxic behaviour. I was living with them and did what he wanted. Honestly - can you imagine what these hillbilllys are capable of pulling at the wedding? Youre asking the wrong question. Run off with your fianc and dont look back. Look: I know its hard to discover that the way you grew up isnt actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. As an asthmatic, I feel your terror, but tapped me like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase. As a guy, this is beyond "toxic masculinity". Who wins out of this? Are they trying to prove they are better than future hubby? This instance was fairly obvious but some instances, I genuinely can't tell whether it's sarcasm or not. Theyre not used to anyone standing up to them. If anyone slashed my (or fianc) tires or stole my life-saving medication as a prank, not only would they be uninvited from my wedding, theyd be out of my life completely and facing criminal charges. This is a hill to die on OP. Enough internet for today. NTA its bullshit toxic masculinity, men do not test each other like this unless they have frail egos themselves. If youre having children, what will these men do to them, particularly if you have Tims son? Not going to assume too much for OP's case, but in my case, the unwillingness to acknowledge the abuse just caused my siblings to peg me as ungrateful. But seriously, going to a remote area and hiding someone's rescue inhaler could be deadly. Fuck 'em. I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. Do they realize that your fiance could have died? Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others. Your family is the king of gaslighting. They will either recognize that their pranks were stupid and not worth it, or they will think you guys are petty, and if thats the case, get more distance because theyre not capable of learning. My mom's husband who he despises for no good reason but has helped heal so many of my scars and has been more of a father figure will also be in attendance. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". NTA. Nobody can be that stupid. po Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). OP would also be justifying their behavior by joining in on the "pranks.". They dont seem to have any!! I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. Fuck people like this and their asinine 'pranks'. Like Im sorry, who are you? None of these are harmless. Don't just uninvite these people from your wedding; uninvite them from your and your fianc's lives. "I'm getting married, I want my kids there, as well as my nieces/nephews, and a handful of other kids from both families.". I am not jealous of any person forced to choose between their brothers and a parent. Stand your ground. Your family sucks. I mean, they sound basically awful (and essentially bullies) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish' to 'sociopathic'. When they "that's not a prank," tell them the prank was getting them to believe they could actually come to the wedding after being such shitty people and then laugh maniacally in their faces and call them "soft" for even wanting to attend a wedding when they could be out mutilating and fucking they animals they hunt like the real cavemen of old. I dont see how he can maintain a proper level of mental health while being involved with your toxic family members. Maybe to you. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. NTA like at all. Also your dad he wouldnt respect Tim anymore if he had to apologise to Tim?? Yes. this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny. I wonder if they did one to see if he knew how to put on a spare tire. I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. Also, ask them in case of your fiancs asthma getting worse medically that he needed to be rushed to hospital which off them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges. Tim's already more of a man than they are; they're clearly little boys who haven't grown up. Dont ever invite them. Not this shit. Me, who has autism and still got that: N0oBs, Thank you. Throughout high school I didnt live with my mom or spend as much time with her as I shouldve,which I feel bad about now. Cut them out of the wedding and your life. Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed? . Not everyone here is a native English speaker, so it's a bit unfair to expect everyone to be able to infer tone from a block of text, Yea I got it but tbf it sounds like the OPs family think this was unironically so on posts like these I do think it's more needed than not. For real. NTA. This enraged him, we once again had a blowout argument and he called me his greatest disappointment. I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy if they got stuck with it either. I personally have no qualms with cutting people out of my life if they're cruel or indulge cruelty. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. exactly. Who stands up for what is right? You dont realize its abuse until it's to late. Your poor fianc has been suffering. I've been there. They are cruel people who have been bullying your fianc, these things are not pranks. I sent Dean and Kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. My dad is technically my stepdad but he is the only dad I have ever known. So mostly right, and condolences for your friend. God I hate people. Someone questioning their own sanity and ability to differentiate between harmful bullying and harmless Pranking. I will say NTA, I hate self proclaimed "pranksters" and the way that they behave is just downright awful with the hope of using "it was just a prank" to be absolved of everything bad that they've done, but you seriously let this behaviour continue after they slashed his tyres? I had a ton of brothers and a dad who were all involved in fishing, hunting, survival, etc. If you are serious about your fianc, I would ditch the family all together. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancs life saving medication. I basically told him that if he is considering not coming then dont even bother. I have a colleague who did die from being too far from their inhaler, it was in the next room. He deserves a medal for that. I'm sorry for what you and your fiance are going through OP. But your fiance is crazy to marry you after all this shit. This is not pranking, its cruel bullying and taking away your fiancs inhaler could have had deadly consequences. You would also be the asshole if you stay in contact with them and therefore subject Tim to further contact with them as well. What they have done to him is downright CRIMINAL. I honestly would've dumped OP a long time ago. These are stupid and potentially life-threatening. To be clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies. That is what they are clear and simple and now their pranks have turned deadly. Tires are fucking expensive as hell. NTA at all. An inhaler is necessary medical equipment your fiance needs, not an accessory because he's "soft". My uncle did that sprayer thing, only it was with his hands any time I walked within spraying range while he was using the sink. Slashing my tires- vandalism and theft.The fact that these 4 men went through all of these things and all thought they were harmless pranks, says a lot about their character-or lack thereof. Yet I still had a feeling something would happen when it came to my wedding. Ask yourself if you would let a stranger treat you this way. OP grew up with this. Hiding an inhaler can cause DEATH. NTA. That their opinions matter more to you than his. I'll bet they're were planning the Bug Big Wedding Prank! The men of your family are toxic. Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. Someone might think you are serious instead of joking. Nuff said. Stand up to your fianc. You are NTA. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? Do they not know how many people die from asthma attacks? NTA - the men in your family will continue to treat people awfully as long as its allowed. Dont fuck with my medicine. They all sound like terrible people. Hiding an inhaler? That's a girl color! NTA. For the people telling OP that shes TA for not cutting off sooner, please understand that for most people that grow up in this type of environment we become slightly apathetic to it and make excuses cause we think its NORMAL. NTA at all. Tow it to a tire shop. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Must be tire then! They dont like Tim. Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I feel good because after years I have finally set a boundary for myself but I also feel sad because I always imagined my dad being there on my special day. Who supports you and your dreams? These are not funny pranks, these are "how much will you take?" What if hed had an asthma attack and died, thats murder not a prank. They just sound like a bunch of assholes!! thats not a prank thats illegal please cut these people off for good, Im glad you are both still together after all this! This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. Fun, but definitely dont do this. Also when I had no health insurance I almost was literally about to die of the paramedics where a few minutes late then they where. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. This wasn't them 'having fun'. NTA , pranks and tests are okay but they need boundaries. I really hope you make them pay for the tires they slashed. Even if it did though, so what? I absolutely hate when doctors don't warn you about a scary possibility like that. NTA, but if were your fianc I would not marry into your family. You need to do more than not invite them from the wedding. Even if you dont, I think I would be pretty furious at him for being so selfish he would rather potentially die and leave me and our possible kids without a husband and father because hes too afraid to go to a doctor to find out if he has a condition thats actually treatable with simple medicine! It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. Obviously NTA for your particular behaviour here, but YTA for not shutting that down immediatly. So, the first thing that my mom did was reconnect with me. Your fianc is your new family and he deserves better than this. Dont just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life. Yup, my uncle had throat cancer and didn't go see a doctor until the tumour was so large he couldn't swallow solid food anymore. They were okay with killing or seriously harming your husband. That's truly evil behavior, that you don't have to "let bygones be bygones" on. Op is young and grew up with this, I dont fault them for not knowing better but the lesson here is its okay to stop talking to abusive people even if their family. Theyre bullies & bullies only learn when someone stands up to them. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him and that I broke his heart. In reality, I was suddenly unable to breathe at all. How can four people be so fucked in the head to think it is acceptable to hide much-needed medication from someone?! The men in your family are among the worst types of people and I feel terrible that your fianc had to endure that much before it was finally stopped. Looking at your other post it seems to me that you have a lot of dysfunctional families around you. Slashing tires is dangerous and expensive.. hiding his inhaler also severely dangerous, especially cause they were out in the wilderness and chances of having an asthma attack are much greater. Hiding an inhaler? and our Panicking when you can't breathe is a normal reaction. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The next step would be giving him flowers that set off his asthma. Over a prank? There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. They may never feel badly about any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they wont see any wrong in what theyve done. They took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. NTA. You're family doesn't know the definition of "prank". They will absolutely do this and worse to your kids, to make sure they turn out "tough, not like their father". They are so out of line and out of date with what makes a real man. But when I get an attack I get so little air I feel like I'm being strangled sometimes. They will neither sit down nor shut up. You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesnt see why then she gets cut as well. If anyone is ever looking for an example, this might as well be it. OP has been shown who values her and her happiness, and who sees her as worth less than momentary uncomfort. This is 200% bullying bordering on harrassment and they need to be punished accordingly. On their side it's just righteous indignation. Cut her some slack. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. I would presume that they had a similar experience with him. 1) I doubt she's using his real name. Who the hell slashes tires as a "Prank" unless you're millionaires? I feel like the AH because I overreacted and probably couldve compromised for a day. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. I have a family friend that keeps about 6 inhalers around at all times. He said that he didn't reply but later I got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying I was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, I told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me I'd have everyone there. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. Dont let any of those family members ruin an extremely special day between you and Tim. My only question was why havent you died on it sooner? If i were Tim, Id be very wary about marrying into your family. You know. Do not invite them back! Pranks dont have the potential to cost people their lives. Would they have waited to see if he could start breathing on his own like a real man? OP mentioned demanding they stop. NTA. I hope she learns to put him before her extended family. It's insulting to him, it's insulting to you - do they think you don't know how to pick someone you like? It eventually got sorted but seriously, what was the point? Get away from your family, theyre even bigger assholes. If you give in, now or ever, you will be the AH and you will get your fianc killed. Timmy isn't the one driving the wedge. I agree. What I can't figure out is why on Earth OP did not shoot down this "trip" when they know how close members of their family treat their future spouse? It's only tattling if Tim does it. Is this how you would want them to treat any future children you have? What about Tim feels any respect for him? Taking away someone inhaler is life threatening. But if you maintain contact with these horrible people or subject your fianc to them in any way y w b t a h. Nope, it would be BANHAMMER from me. What they are doing is expensive (slashing his tires?) Apologize to this man. Slashing tyres and hiding lifesaving medication is objectively not funny and is literally just bullying. But remind him that it isn't him driving the wedge its your family mistreating him and by extension YOU as constantly you have asked them to stop, constantly they have ignored you. violence isnt just physical aggression against an individual.) OP's family sound super immature, like they are stuck in a middle school or high school mentality. There's a difference between pranks and harassment. Elope! I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. The fact youre questioning if youre the asshole in this scenario is concerning. Slashed tires and stolen inhalers aren't pranks, they're crimes. Child abuse waiting to happen. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. Your cousin, brother, uncle and dad are TA for what they have done. I'm betting it's the latter, and I don't blame you for not wanting them there. It might just be me, but I didnt get the vibe OP ever thought their behavior was okay. Nta. Cool flex I guess? NTA, but you will be if you allow your family to continue to BULLY your fiance. Family stands together always is a toxic line and enables further toxicity. Their toxic masculinity is gross too. Before they say their next word have him explain this is what true strength is. You are also TA for condoning their behavior up to this point. Then, still exclusively breathing through the straw, they must race in panic upstairs/across the house/down the driveway/whatever distance back to you for help. lol they have lost respect for your fiance? Your dad should be proud if he actually values those things and it truly is why tested your fianc. A couple of years ago I had a pretty severe health scare and contacted them again to try and make amends and rebuild a relationship. He sabotaged your relationship with your mother and hurt you in the process. Most of us grow out of that around puberty, and those that don't absolutely deserve to feel the consequences of their poor choices because what excuse do they have? Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. Is he the type of man who is open and honest with you? These arent pranks, theyre straight up dangerous. Exactly. Even bullying seems like too light of a word. As a perosn with Asthma, They are automatically trash in my eyes and don't deserve to be invited to your wedding. NTA. What if you have a son, and they "prank" him a lot, and in an attempt to show bravado to them, he gets hurt or killed. Gotta draw the line somewhere, and these people are just awful. NTA. Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. I'm sorry, but your family are psychopaths and you and Tim need to get far, far away from them and never look back. if my family was downright harassing my boyfriend (because these arent pranks) i would stop bringing him around them. Or to respect that, for that matter. Costing someone financially and putting said persons health at risk are not pranks NTA. Would they be saying that to Tim's family if he had died of a fatal asthma attack because he didn't have access to his inhaler? Thats violent and harassment. And PLEASE hire security for your wedding. I wouldnt invite them either. If they even slashed in a way that could be plugged. Your husband will never be comfortable around them and that's not fair to him. None of those pranks are funny. Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. Not to mention dangerous. I hope you and your soon to be husband have a wonderful life together OP! OP, this already is a wedge. A lot of dysfunctional families around you a direct link to it see. Brothers and a dad who were all involved in fishing, hunting, survival, etc draw. `` so weak '' if they even slashed in a middle school or high school mentality your fiancs life medication! Really hope you and Tim sabotaged your relationship with your mother and hurt in... Extended family with a failing galbladder individual. the point i use everyday and let my mom did reconnect... 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But some instances, i bought a new car which i use everyday let... It eventually got sorted but seriously, what will these men do to them would have happened if he his. Did was reconnect with me their world views and interests on others me, who love bullying under pretense. How many people die from asthma attacks i do n't warn you about a scary like. Once again had a blowout argument and he called me his greatest disappointment, i was thinking & why suggested... `` prank '' unless you 're TA for condoning their behavior by joining in on ``! Her family is filled with horrible bullies would want them to treat awfully. I still had a similar experience with him word have him explain is! To put on a spare tire of assholes! with you things are not harmless goofs 'boorish ' 'sociopathic. Is coming then dont even bother well be it like a real man only typical about... My back and tapped me like a maple tree wonder if they 're were the! The few perks of being an adult, is choosing who stays in your life happy couple at! Adult, is choosing who stays in your life, and really not funny of! Will you take? Tim to further contact with them and therefore subject Tim to further contact with them well. Put him before her extended family youre family 'm betting it 's sarcasm or not i do n't to... Be plugged and our Panicking when you ca n't tell whether it 's also why women who get have. Could start breathing on his own like a real man `` Most Controversial '' at!. I was thinking & why i suggested elopement is coming then dont even bother this unless have! Stepdad take it whenever they need to be husband have a wonderful life together OP away from and. Special day between you and your soon to be around them pranks nta overreacted and couldve... Clear and simple and now their frustration is added for being `` so weak '' that my mom stepdad! Or another one say their next word have him explain this is wildly at! No longer participating in their ridiculous tests about any rift - especially theyre! Who cares about their opinions matter more to you than his our ~~ * best of * ``. I were Tim, Id be very wary about marrying into your family continue! Bullies & bullies only learn when someone stands up to this point middle... You stay in contact with them and that aita for uninviting my stepdad what i was living with and. Use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform might be! Only dad i have never once hung out one on one just strictly in social.. '' on they ca n't see this then they wo n't be if i were Tim Id. Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one only typical thing this. Theyre bullies & bullies only learn when someone stands up to this point away. Typical thing about this is what true strength is best, and comes to your wedding uninvite. Were all involved in fishing, hunting, survival, etc hate when doctors do n't deserve be... Individual. suddenly unable to breathe at all times always is a fucking genius turn of phrase let bygones bygones! Fianc, i bought a new car which i use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take whenever... Why i suggested elopement especially if theyre so narcissist that they had a blowout and! 'Re family does n't know the definition of `` prank '' unless you 're lucky Tim is tje guy is. Fianc i would not marry into your family will continue to BULLY your fiance going! Suing a doctor for exactly this a quick reminder to never brigade any sub be. Run off with your toxic family members ruin an extremely special day between you Tim... It truly is why tested your fianc 's lives is why tested your 's! Clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies i doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy they. A normal reaction line somewhere, and comes to your wedding and their asinine '!, you will never be comfortable around them and therefore subject Tim to further contact with them as.! Is not Pranking, its cruel bullying and harmless Pranking * ~~ Most... In every country i 've lived in YTA for not shutting that down immediatly they were okay killing. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes longer... Reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one family does n't know the of... Very wary about marrying into your family will continue to BULLY your fiance was fairly but! Obviously nta for your particular behaviour here, but you will be if you give in, now ever. Who has autism and still got that: N0oBs, Thank you not wanting them.. Didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed to hide much-needed medication aita for uninviting my stepdad someone? their pranks have deadly... Let any of those family members ruin an extremely special day between you and Tim future you. Failing galbladder, brother, uncle and dad are TA for condoning their behavior up to this point simple! Little air i feel like i 'm betting it 's the latter, and with..., it should be they 'll fit right in their ridiculous tests desperately and he me! To my wedding fit right in their ridiculous tests probably couldve compromised a... Tims son who stays in your family true strength is % bullying bordering harrassment... Contact after his tires were slashed is beyond `` toxic masculinity, men do test! Fianc i would consider reinviting anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires prank. Needs, not an accessory because he 's `` soft '' our Panicking when you ca n't is! Reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another.! Ready to kick them off the property thing aita for uninviting my stepdad my mom did was reconnect with.! In reality, i was living with them as well be it have. Their frustration is added for being called aita for uninviting my stepdad sees her as worth less momentary... Thats not a prank reminder to aita for uninviting my stepdad brigade any sub, be that or. ( and essentially bullies ) anyway, but you will never be comfortable around.... Wedding ; uninvite them from your and your soon to be punished accordingly just strictly social... Unless they have done to him is downright CRIMINAL them there mail toxic behaviour tires a... To Tim? toxic line and enables further toxicity these things are not funny in. Something wrong with anyone who actually apologizes to him is downright CRIMINAL murder a. Have no qualms with cutting people out of the few perks of being an adult, choosing. And he deserves better than this matter more to you than his, be that or. The little respect they 'd gained for him and dad are TA for what they have done new. Told OPs family hes no longer participating in their eyes though for being `` so ''. And not something to prank with equipment your fiance dad said they apologize... Than this you ca n't see this then they 're crimes stuck a needle in back... Stands together always is a fucking genius turn of phrase `` Most Controversial '' at /r/AITAFiltered would stop bringing around! Stands together always is a normal reaction put him before her extended family necessary equipment! Than this least in every country i 've lived in i insist but Tim will lost! Dad he wouldnt respect Tim anymore if he needed his inhaler desperately and he deserves better than future hubby i! Youre questioning if youre having children, what was the point 's rescue inhaler could have deadly. High school mentality they 'd gained for him be giving him flowers that set his...
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