They are doing this to be evil. If you want to stay awaythats fine too. But since it hasn't been drawn between them, you need to draw one for yourself and your boyfriendthat is, if he wants you to stick around. And for whatever reason you chose to move on. 10. I think thats insane and I wouldnt have it !? My advice would be to explain how you feel and then be prepared to find a new happy place xxx. "@type": "Answer", At the end of the day the ex has their own family to cosy up to but they take yours as well. There doesnt need to be a falling out if families did the natural thing of supporting their own! You are not being unreasonable. It drives me crazy. Ive known this man since I was 17 years old (Im 38 now) and the past feelings and experiences we had as kids, sticks with me and I tell myself its meant to be. I stumbled across your post as i was looking up the same information. I feel she is and would be ever willing to compromise whereas the impression is given that they are just not willing to listen to or respect her feelings and that is NOT healthy and indeed the hallmark of emotional abuse. How much contact does he have with her, and in what way? But its been very weird lately with how his son been acting towards me. The one normal thing they had left the one thing that give them hope and you are so selfish that you want to take that from them as well you are the worst form of a woman and mother. They manipulate , blame me for everything , tried to turn my 3 children against me but kids are smart and see right through it .As well as my counselor I see for the many many years of emotional , physical ,sexual and mental abuse . and could be described as abusive themselves? J well that may be your perception of the situation, but generally people do not dump because they are with a good man or father.relationships are intricate and NO ONE other than the 2 people in the relationship KNOW what the TRUTH is between them. I personally could not love, let alone like a person that has hurt someone in my family. When I found out, it hurt as much or more than when I originally found out my wife was having sex with other married men. And even if he says: Were just friends, you have every right to let him choose between you and her. Sending you a hug xx. They can still be pleasant to him but that is all. Id been with this man since the 9th grade! My husbands ex wife has caused non stop hell for him, me, our life for the last 6+ years. I feel your pain. Yep! 16 years later, I regret that I supported him for so long. Its been a few years with no contact because of the restraining orders etc. If all these adults gravitate toward the ex and prefer his company, perhaps its because this woman has some serious issues. But you do know that unless there was some extraordinary circumstance that forged the alliance between the ex and the mom, the uncomfortable feeling you haveis entirely intentional on their part, right? But worse. There is no loyalty in my family. "acceptedAnswer": { I had to pull away from family of origin & create a life with friends to create boundaries & live a life away from their meanness.God can judge, and one day they will get his just rewards. Their actions are just too toxic and I dont want that in my life. But its controlling to expect the family to break their close bond because you have. I was married for 12 years, I had two children before him we had two kids together. When his male friend from work calls, your boyfriend has no problem taking the call in front of you. I even told my mom how abusive he was to me. "Communicate openly with friends and family of your ex . Since 2019 he has started writing in English on this website. My ex was barely around during or 20 year marriage. My brother passed away and I resumed the relationship with my parents. He has never been there for his own daughter . Could it be he is a dosent person, and that the rest of your family is putting your childrens well being over yours? Now he doesnt accompany you anymore. Also, Im bothered that they rather build a relationship with him instead of my husband. They decided I was the problem and not only remained friends with my ex, they rejected me and actively supported him through a nasty court riddled divorce. Because this would be a decision she wanted to make, and all I want is for her to be happy. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. Like it or not divorce doesnt change the fact that since you guys had kids hes family regardless of your marital status. I am divorced and have two children, but he never married although he did live with a woman for 5 years. x. I feel the same way. Make the first few visits with the whole group on neutral ground, public places like parks, sporting events etc. (I was single at the time.) I dont get it and I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. I have been told that they are sorry for treating me so badly and doing what they did but not until my ex manipulated my dads widow out of 25 grand, and refused to give it back, did not pay any of them back for the money they gave him to bankrupt me (30 grand) or the new truck loan one of my brothers cosigned for. He and My sister in Law were trying to Get back at me Truthfully it sounds like they are trying to hurt you. 6. I dont talk to or see my family anymore. Im so hurt and feel a real sense of loss. I got him a job he loves and he loves being here with me. Turning a blind eye means theyve taken a side. Why is it all right for him to be in my family with his girlfriends and it is not OK for me to be with the one I love? Why why why would YOUR family think its ok to spend holidays (of all things) together! My brother was furious theyd made some kind of back handed gesture that blamed him. If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. My family knew how bad my ex treated me and yet still praise him, making me feel betrayed. Have a similar question. completely stopped talking to my family, it is definitely a distanced relationship. I commend my mom for standing strong. Created a new life with friends. Good luck! Nothing happened. Married for 14 years and had suicidal depression for a lot of it. Take it one day at a time and regain your family with or without him there , when its your weekend go to your family with the kids and when you hear them talking about the great time they have had , just say thats nice. Be as honest as you can bear. male Shame on them. I listen to how my kids are developing a relationship with his girlfriend. Im going through something similar. Your brother is toxic. I havent spoke to my 2 sisters in 4 years. You accept those invites because you want to go. Those that do are weak and lack a moral conscience. Even in university and growing up, If I broke up with a guy my friends would be expected not to keep ties with him and they would have to pick. Your Mum says she didnt want to hurt your feelings but if that were true she wouldnt be behaving how she is behaving! Opposite of love is indifference. She swore we would never be rid of her. Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. Unfortunately, some families are toxic and dont care for their family member. She even calls her "Mom." They have been broken up for over a year, and he says they no longer communicate. He drags me to court claims to be broke Plus, we all hang out a lot and he was able to see that my actions matched my words. As your bf if there is any particular reason theyre so close to Nina. "@type": "Question", I am going through a similar situation, luckily no children involved with me and him though. A college graduation invitation was not mailed to me it was handed to me by my mother. My ex-wife was kinda like the way u explained yourself. If your ex is anything like mine she will know exactly what she is doing and its plain nasty of her. I told my wife it is time to cut the ties with her family if they wont recognize the boundaries. But Im remarried to a man who loves and stands beside me. It was sickening. He and his Ex have been best friends for nearly 15 years before and after their relationship. as for your children, they need to be okay with his girlfriend, but you are their mom and they need to realize you come first before her always. Put the onus on them to keep asking you questions. More than likely, keeping the ex in the picture is just a manipulative strategy to run off you or any new woman who comes into her son's life. I know this post is old, but I completely relate. From the description in this story, the family is going WAY beyond being cordial. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if its nothing to worry about. Bad enough your kids are going through this, but you made it worse by being so self centered as to ruin their Thanksgiving with their father and extended family. Whenever she brings a new guy on the scene, your boyfriend has a problem with it. I hope that survivors of demons such as yourself read this and allow me to break that same box you put people in (probably people closest to you) open with my bare hands. This can be difficult for Everyone. Not cool. Just found this as I was doing my own research. It is a powerless feeling and sometimes I feel so insignificant I wonder if should just end my life. Over years of unity, you cant just turn it off like a light bulb. Learn to adapt and genuinely play nice together. When I found out I gave him 30 days to move and take any furniture he might need. If you feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into contact with her abuser, stand your ground. She helped raise me. Thats the day we all were finally able to really live and breathe. I think you are creating unnecessary emotions for yourself. My siblings have decided they will not unfriend my ex family on face book and it is up to me if I want to so divorce my siblings because of their decision to maintain a one sided face book friend ship with my ex family. Do you even know what are you saying?! I would like to at least say family time is family time. Im healing and in total rehabilitation of a very narcissist family . At least for the sake of your kids. I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. The longer its been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly are just friends, which is great! If your entire family, including your parents like the guy, maybe he wasnt so bad? My sister invited him over to her house and they all played happy families for quite a while until he went over to Thailand. They have told him they chose sides in his parents divorce and shouldnt have done that. 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